When I came to Zen practice in my 20s, I wasn't aware of how much pain I carried. I had managed to seem successful by being a good student, having a decent job, even being a good Zen student. But as I sat all the feelings I had pushed down came crashing into view: the massive self-doubt, the desperate need to be loved, all the buried pain I had managed to gloss over. I approached this in my usual way, by trying to follow the rules, to get better at meditation, with the hope that it would all go away.
Eventually I was honest with my teacher, who recognized that, instead of striving to "fix" myself, what I really needed was the medicine of compassion. As I began to approach my own suffering with a heart of compassion, it became natural to be able to offer kindness more freely to others.
Here's the good news. Compassion is our deepest nature. We don't have to manufacture it, but rather we uncover it. Compassion arises naturally when we see that we are truly interconnected with others.
Thick layers of delusion can obscure our access to compassion. We may believe that if we are compassionate with our selves, we will lose motivation, that we need to whip ourselves so we don't get soft. We may believe we are deserving of punishment. The problem of self-hatred and self-condemnation are rampant in our culture. A lack of compassion is often accompanied by agitation, anxiety and fear, judgment of self and others, and quick anger.
In our afternoon workshop, Fierce Compassion: Cultivating Radical Kindness for Self and Others, we will explore the stories and habits that occlude compassion, as well as guided practices and tools to allow our innate compassion to shine through. Join us!
Megan Rundel is the resident teacher at the Crimson Gate Meditation Community in Oakland, CA..